Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
