Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
