What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize