I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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