Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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