Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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