I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
