Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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