can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize