walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
