Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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