so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How does it feel to date your dad?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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