he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
