So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
