69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm at about main and main street
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The Olympian is in my bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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