How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
