Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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