Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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