She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
