Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
