so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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