I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
