chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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