high people should be assigned attendants
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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