I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
