ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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