Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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