At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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