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i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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