I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
