What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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