How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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