you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
