omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize