your parents love me but you hate me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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