I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
