WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching her eat just hurts me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
