Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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