I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
