Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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