It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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