He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize