Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize