It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
