I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
