and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
