mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
