The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
