I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
