So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
