ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize