so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
