I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
