I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
