she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
