If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
