She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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