i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you inspire me to be a worse person
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
